tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post3424440738049071230..comments2023-11-02T04:33:17.653-05:00Comments on Narrow Ridge: Pollyanna - A followupTomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04338367408403679236noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-77685607941926125452008-02-05T16:26:00.000-06:002008-02-05T16:26:00.000-06:00it was a care bear band-aid :-)it was a care bear band-aid :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-6292765761250534112008-02-05T09:16:00.000-06:002008-02-05T09:16:00.000-06:00Michelle: I like "imbalanced" better. :)I kind of ...Michelle: I like "imbalanced" better. :)<BR/><BR/>I kind of hit on some of the issues here in my latest response on the previous post (Pollyanna syndrome). Thanks again for letting me fumble my way through this in public. :)<BR/><BR/>Anonymous: You mean a cutesy band-aid with the Flintstones on it? :)<BR/><BR/>And you really hit on something there when you say this is a universal issue, because I think it is too. Appreciate you helping me to step back for a minute and see a bigger picture.Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04338367408403679236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-18111510341127053182008-02-04T16:50:00.000-06:002008-02-04T16:50:00.000-06:00I am not patronized at all, you are very right in ...I am not patronized at all, you are very right in saying that speaking in "church-y" type terms can very much become cliche, and I appreciate conversation that goes deeper. I hope that I didn't come across as putting a cutesy little band-aid on a very large struggle.<BR/><BR/>Again, I know that I could never totally understand your view because I am not living ds as your family is - I guess I was wanting to relay to you the fact that I can see this as somewhat of a universal struggle at a very basic level - we all wish to be accepted without the baggage of accomplishments and comparisons. Every active believer is aware that we are created in His image - but I also know personally how very easy it is to forget this when living day to day - because it is not reinforced in the society around us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-84511238833942764492008-02-04T14:20:00.000-06:002008-02-04T14:20:00.000-06:00ok, prejudiced was the wrong word...imbalanced, ma...ok, prejudiced was the wrong word...imbalanced, maybe? Right now, you see DS through the eyes of pain and fear. YOUR eyes. It wont be long till you see it through IAN'S eyes, and it will balance out. As for being the newbie, there is something almost...tragic yet heroic?...about those earliest days. We all had them, they were different for each of us. They defined us as parents, would we stay stuck or would we let love lead us out? You are letting love lead you out, asking good questions. Someday you will treasure this time, and recall the newbie period as life-altering, but in a GOOD way. You're doing just fine.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16087873326478010732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-64270647019070826272008-02-04T11:41:00.000-06:002008-02-04T11:41:00.000-06:00Anne: I really thought Kim got the essence of what...Anne: I really thought Kim got the essence of what I said and added to it well. And I look forward to reading your own thoughts on this one day.<BR/><BR/>Carole: Glad you let me know... I was worried you were out renting a wood chipper or something. :) But really, glad you dropped a note.<BR/><BR/>Michelle: I would jump at the chance.<BR/><BR/>Anonymous: First, glad you responded to my thoughts. Welcome to my blog.<BR/><BR/>I once wrote a post on about being an "explicit" vs. and "implicit" believer. (I know I am called to be both, to certain degrees, but gravitate toward the latter.)<BR/><BR/>The belief that all people are created in His image informs all that I write. I just choose not to be explicit in stating it because I feel that most people, myself included, have turned such statements into a cliche, and I want to help people work past the cliches. (Not insinuating that you are using it as a cliche; hope you get where I'm coming from and don't feel patronized.)<BR/><BR/>Thanks for being "explicit." I need that.<BR/><BR/>Steve: Thanks..<BR/><BR/>Elsie: Me too.<BR/><BR/>Kate: I'll pop over; thanks for stopping in. <BR/><BR/>I can't swim from one end of my bathtub to the other, let alone across a lake. And I would love to hear Karen tell about her experiences.<BR/><BR/>I think you hit on one of the most important issues that I haven't addressed yet; the one to one contact and how that changes people's perceptions. I agree with you wholeheartedly that this is the primary way to changes people's attitudes toward children like my son.<BR/><BR/>Thanks so much for reminding me.<BR/><BR/>Kim: I really do admire the way you don't make a big fuss about Meg's ds. I try hard to imitate you, with little success. I just want to talk about it, to get it all out there. I feel if I don't talk about it then it is the elephant in the room.<BR/><BR/>I agree, and am thankful, for everything you said here.<BR/><BR/>I'm just not there yet.<BR/><BR/>Michelle: I can't wait for the day when Ian can advocate for himself. I often feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders to pave a way for him.<BR/><BR/>I'll try not to feel a bit patronized (the newbie thing, which I am, but hate for others to point that out.) :) But the "prejudiced" thing was kind of an ouch moment for me. I sure hope I'm not.<BR/><BR/>I don't think it's prejudicial to point out HOW a story is portrayed by the media. I'm not questioning whether it was right for us to celebrate Karen swimming across the lake, something I couldn't do, rather, I was asking WHY is this the only type of story the rest of the world tends to highlight when focusing on ds. (Other than all the health problems) The "Rocky" moment. Or the "Karate Kid" moment.<BR/><BR/>But I definitely see your point, and you will definitely see a lot of Ian's "accomplishments" on my blog in the future. Thanks for challenging me. :)<BR/><BR/>Terri: More than listening in, your voice helps me from being too inbred. If you know what I mean. <BR/><BR/>I think what you said about not having to come to a consensus is so right, and maybe I'm pushing too hard to find one that will never exist. Thanks for helping chill just a bit... I need that.Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04338367408403679236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-280619837827460072008-02-02T11:15:00.000-06:002008-02-02T11:15:00.000-06:00Just as there really is no such thing as an averag...Just as there really is no such thing as an average kid with DS, there is no such thing as an average parent of a kid with DS. You are other, Tom. You have a perspective (ever-changing) that no one else can quite capture. <BR/><BR/>I'm involved in a care ministry at a large church and we have a lot of support groups that meet there once a week for all kinds of issues. People think that the big value of a support group is that FINALLY you will find people there that understand you and share your experience. That's true. But another part of the value of these groups is that you will discover that there is not just one way to be if you are "an addict" or "depressed" or "an abuse survivor" or "whatever". These categories are just a convenient short hand to help people find one another, but they actually say very little about the unique people who have the task of finding themselves and telling their stories. <BR/><BR/>I appreciate that this is a community that feels free to speak and hear what happens to be bumping around inside a mind and heart. That's valuable. You don't have to come to a consensus. You don't have to all be the same any more than your children do. I value what you and your friends are speaking into this space. Thanks for letting me listen in.terrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284855262535595879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-39294223551911447912008-02-02T08:59:00.000-06:002008-02-02T08:59:00.000-06:00I can assure you that karen doesn't believe hersel...I can assure you that karen doesn't believe herself to be exploited, in any way. She might just chew you out for thinking so, lol. If you think about it, the fact that you havent gotten to the point where you see these "feel good" stories as the stories of the people who LIVE them versus the stories of the people who love them, might just make your own feelings a bit...prejudicial? Which is fine, you arent very far along this journey yet. <BR/>But someday, Ian is going to tell you he wants to play basketball, or paint, or play baseball with his buddies, and you are going to have to consider all of what COULD happen, who might think badly of you for "exploiting your son" versus what IAN wants. And you will do what Ian wants, and you will find yourself moved by his desire to live a normal life, and having DS will begin to be unimportant. Because he (and you) will be too busy living. Does that make sense? <BR/>I made a video last summer of Ciarra playing baseball. She clocked a BIG one, it sailed over the other teams heads, and she came rounding off home plate with a big smile on her face. That was cool, and I loved every minute of it and imagined life couldnt be better. Until I turned my camera towards the dugout and saw her little teammates lined up outside the door, standing in line with big grins on their faces, hands raised to give her high fives. She wasnt looking at the camera when she high fived them back, she was just living, being a part of the team, being a kid. I am glad I got that on film, I am touched beyond words that SHE made her own place in the world and showed her own worth to her teammates. I think that is what people need to see, that desire, that will to just LIVE and be accepted and loved. And I know at least one other family who saw it and will take a gamble this summer and let their son play ball. And maybe he will have great experiences, maybe he wont. But at least he gets the chance to know what it is like to be a kid. By the way, my oldest son who is a bona fide superstar in football REALLY struggles in baseball. He has a different dream, and I have my camera in hand to document that, too.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16087873326478010732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-45028196987423676522008-02-02T08:13:00.000-06:002008-02-02T08:13:00.000-06:00You want Ian to be accepted for who he is rather t...You want Ian to be accepted for who he is rather than what he's achieved. You love him unconditionally. <BR/><BR/>However, as he achieves things - his first words, first steps, first time he writes his name, first time he has a dry night, first time gets 10/10 on his spelling test etc, you will be an immensely proud parent and want to let the rest of the world know how proud you are.<BR/><BR/>And if and when he achieves things that other people recognise - is in a school play, swims a lake or conquers Everest, then you will be delighted that the rest of the world was wrong to underestimate him.<BR/><BR/>But I still maintain that this is parenting plain and simple. Insert Silvi instead of Ian into the above blurb and it equally holds true.<BR/><BR/>His DS is neither something that needs to be celebrated or bemoaned. He is who he is.<BR/><BR/>He may never be a rocket scientist, but then he probably won't suffer being an over-introspective depressive philosopher like ... er, me. Which surely has to be a good thingKim Ayreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-78697706199153550752008-02-02T07:44:00.000-06:002008-02-02T07:44:00.000-06:00Sorry, let me add another comment.Some random thou...Sorry, let me add another comment.<BR/><BR/>Some random thoughts.<BR/><BR/>It's important to accept that people with DS do have something knitted into the fabric of their being that makes it difficult for them to achieve the things that we expect from "normal" (for lack of a better word) people. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that, and, by extension, broadcasting it--loudly--when Karen swims across Lake Tahoe. I mean, what person WITHOUT DS can swim across Lake Tahoe--really????<BR/><BR/>(Also--we heard Karen speak in Kansas City in August, and she is an outspoken self-advocate. She was talking about this swim then. I would imagine she went after the publicity--I don't think there was any exploitation involved.)<BR/><BR/>In our fallen world, we are never going to manage to change everyone's hearts about people with DS (or other disabilities) by talking about it, reasoning with people, trying to teach. Only person to person contact can do that. That's why I'm so grateful that Julianna has the opportunity to touch so many people--young people. I work at a K-8 Catholic school on a very part-time basis and the kids can't stay away from her. She's like a magnet--to boys and girls. Each of those boys and girls will remember, as they reach adulthood, how sweet Julianna was at age 10 or 11 or 12 months, and they will, hopefully, remember that a person with Down syndroms is not to be feared, but to be adored, just like every other human being. "We're more alike than different" is a great slogan.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-62302116503093783052008-02-02T07:26:00.000-06:002008-02-02T07:26:00.000-06:00What a great blog, Tom. I've been meaning to take ...What a great blog, Tom. I've been meaning to take a look since I got your comment on mine--which made my day, BTW. I can't imagine how you manage to blog so regularly. I have to plan it for days. But I think I'll do Julianna's likes & dislikes over at kokopeli74 if you want to come take a look.<BR/><BR/>Since we're up anyway. :/<BR/><BR/>Kate BasiKathleen@so much to say, so little timehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07868310517465070787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-12624412376114184682008-02-01T21:02:00.000-06:002008-02-01T21:02:00.000-06:00I would submit that the "unspoken" message of our ...I would submit that the "unspoken" message of our society that people who accomplish are those that matter is in fact, spoken. LOUDLY. I wish it were not so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-26877306665191473152008-02-01T20:46:00.001-06:002008-02-01T20:46:00.001-06:00Amen!Amen!Stevehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11070741932179948236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-63276973350601677212008-02-01T20:46:00.000-06:002008-02-01T20:46:00.000-06:00I'm a short time "eavesdropper," first time commen...I'm a short time "eavesdropper," first time commenter...first of all I want to preface this with the fact that I have no personal connection to ds whatsoever...I don't live it every day like so many of you do, so therefore my perspective is quite different - I am sure of this fact. But I wanted to throw this idea out, I think you might be struggling with an issue that may be much more deeper and yet much more "basic" - the question of where does the value of life come from anyway?<BR/><BR/>My husband does not care for those feel good clips as well, he also thinks they can be rather exploitive but I think he is basically uncomfortable with them putting such an emphasis on the wrong thing. We are all - as human beings, across the board - judged by what we do. That's the first question people ask when they meet - "and what do you do?"<BR/><BR/>I think for me this is where my faith comes in to help me sort through the junk - my worth, everyone's worth comes from God - we are valuable because we are created in His image and nothing we can do will add to our value..."our righteous acts are like filthy rags" "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" we were worth everything to Him because we are His.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, that's my two cents (or six or eight) it may not at all help with the train of thought you are wrestling with, but its what has come to my mind in reading your latest posts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-42349842073570255472008-02-01T19:45:00.000-06:002008-02-01T19:45:00.000-06:00I hope someday you get the pleasure of hearing Kar...I hope someday you get the pleasure of hearing Karen talk in person. That young lady is INSPIRING! She is so moving, and so sure of herself.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16087873326478010732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-82319407995375804332008-02-01T15:55:00.000-06:002008-02-01T15:55:00.000-06:00Sometimes your posts move me to think and not to s...Sometimes your posts move me to think and not to say. Sometimes I just don't have words. But I want you to know that I am reading and hearing and thinking, even if I a not responding.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03828426520214270655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24264973.post-89203010971326138682008-02-01T15:31:00.000-06:002008-02-01T15:31:00.000-06:00I missed your original post until today. I really...I missed your original post until today. I really do understand the frame of mind from which you wrote it. And I have to say that I like Kim Ayer's response, too. <BR/><BR/>I like your follow-up, this post, as well. I think the same things when I watch the spots on t.v. Part of me loves the story, gets teary over it all, and part of me wonders why it's such a big deal anyway. I resolve the confusion by concluding that, well, at least the spot is educating the public about what is possible for children and adults society generally deems imperfect. <BR/><BR/>I think I'll dwell on your thoughts a little longer to see if I can come up with some original thoughts of my own related to these ideas.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com