For Hannah, and her Mother who misses her

I made this video for my sister who is trying not to disappear. I made this video for Hannah who touched us all in her short life.

Signs

One of the oddities about making a life decision is that you suddenly find yourself looking for signs everywhere.

Someone at work misspelled "Spanish Translation" to read "Spainish Translation." Ah, ha! It's a sign. I'm on the right road. God is with me. Everything will fall into place.

Now, should I have turned left or a right back there?

Spain

So here I am, a new chapter before me.

I decided over the weekend that I want to give myself to Spain. What does this mean, "Give myself to Spain?" I guess it means that I want to devote my video and writing talents to helping people in Spain see Christ within their contemporary culture.

I had an idea about six months ago. I got really excited about it, then my enthusiasm waned a bit, as it often does. But it goes something like this. Years ago my dad gave me a copy of the Mars Hill Review. I immediately connected with its mission statement: "...to reveal Christ in the various texts of our contemporary culture." Mars Hill Graduate School makes this a priority as well. I think it is useful to quote them at length:

Text

Our vision is to train men and women to see Scripture through a perspective that keeps the primacy of story and mystery alive as it authoritatively forms the fundamental parameters of our life and worldview. We believe interpretation or hermeneutics is neither primarily a science, nor a skill, but a living art that molds us into maturity by the Word itself, the convicting work of the Spirit, and in dialogue with the community of faith both past and present.

Soul

Our vision is to train men and women to live lives worthy of the gospel. We believe this is possible through an ongoing process of humility that reveals our bias, transforms our heart, and enlivens our passion for the Author of Life. The outcome will be a transformation that involves a shift in perspective (faith), purpose (hope), and passion (love) evidenced in how one relates to enemies and friends, body and mind, and the world in which we are situated.

Culture

Our vision is to train men and women to engage culture. Every culture attempts to flee God and yet find life in its own gods. Every culture reflects both the glory of creation and the depravity of the fall. We believe a person or community can never receive a hearing, nor offer the gospel, unless it incarnates the gospel through joyful participation in a culture's glory and honest engagement in its darkness. We wish to develop lovers of language, story, drama, film, music, dance, architecture, and art in order to deepen our love of life and the God of all creativity. The result will be a greater desire to know the human heart, the word of God, and the coming and already present Kingdom of God.

I can't think of a better way of putting it.

So, my idea? It was to become sort of a Spanish YouTube missionary, for lack of a better definition. I planned to download as much of Spain's popular culture as possible and begin to try to understand where God was within the expressions of their art and music and films. I even got started on a website. But it's easy to get discouraged when going it alone. I did a lot of research, made lists, watched a lot of media, etc. I guess I needed a little more structure.

I'm not sure where all this will lead. I just know that I've got to go where I believe I'm being taken. This morning I filled out a preliminary application with Avant Ministries, who head the Malaga Media Center.

All right. It's out there. A left turn down another road. I hope you stick around for the ride. If you think about it, ask God to make clear which turns are best in the journey ahead.

Too many projects, too little time

Translation

Will someone please translate these books? Thank you.

Control and Trust

It really does come down to those two things, doesn't it?

That which we cannot control we must entrust to others.

If we do not trust and we do not control, we cease to exist, don't we?

At least we cease to "truely live."

Can you give up some of the control?

Who can you trust?

Journey

The blogs that I like to follow are ones where the authors are on some kind of journey. Either they are moving to another country or working on a project or trying to start something. I won't bore you with the links to the sites I frequent; also, I like to think that I am the only one in on their struggles and adventures.

What kind of journey are you on? Or am I on? I am on a journey toward being a father of not one, but two beautiful and amazing children. I am on a journey into middle age, and ask my wife, it's not a pretty sight. I'm on a journey to discovering, or re-discovering, some of the reasons that I - Tom - am here at this particular time and this particular place in the grand scheme of things. I am on a journey to knowing God better than I did yesterday, or in my twenties or in my teens. I am on the way to becoming a better video producer, a better writer, a better husband, son, brother, in-law, cousin and friend. At least I hope so.

It's so easy to opt for the comfortable, the reliable, the usual. But I don't want - have never wanted, nor accepted - the "average," or the safe. I am on that journey. I am not starting one. I have been on this journey for more than twenty years. I may feel like I am stuck at the train station for much too long this time, but that locomotive will round the corner once again and I will feel the wind on my cheeks on the journey into the unknown.

Just one thing, though. The journey is always deliberate. It is never passive. It may appear that the hero is thrust out into an unwanted adventure, but secretly, in the mists of memory, the hero wanted to be called out of the "ordinary" into the dangerous life of the real. The True.

It's that "fully alive" thing that gets batted about in books and on talk shows. The problem is, most times, you can't be "fully alive" if you try to be "fully alive." I talked about being predisposed to being interrupted before. I think that I must be deliberate in being predisposed to being what Gabriel Marcel called available. Available to God, to my wife, children, boss, friends, etc.

I am on a journey to becoming more deliberately available.

I just got off of the Merry-Go-Round

Goal setters

I took off early yesterday to celebrate my B-Day; we drove over to the airport and parked to let Silvi watch the jets land and take off. She stood on the roof of the car and clapped as the planes roared by. Then over to my parents for supper and ice cream cake.

I've already broken all my unwritten goals for this year, on purpose so that they won't be hanging over me. It's so annoying, this propensity to set goals for oneself on birthdays and on the eve of new years. Who likes to hang out with goal setters? Do goal setters ever "hang out" anyway?

I say, throw your stone as far as you can, then go and pick it up and throw it again. Pick a mountain top that's calling to you and start walking. And make sure to stop in all the villages along the way.

(P.S. If you are a surgeon or fighter pilot, please disregard this advice. Please, set goals. Thank you.)

Clips

Here are a few things I've enjoyed in the last week or so:

"How come Republicans and Democrats out here don't schmooze with each other?" Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-Calif., asked in a speech Monday at the National Press Club in Washington. The journalists in the audience had plenty of questions for the action-star-turned-politician, too.

New York Times syndicated columnist Thomas Friedman spoke about his ideas on green politics, as well as the war in Iraq, at an event last week in Minneapolis.

In a four-and-a-half-hour special, News War, FRONTLINE examines the political, cultural, legal, and economic forces challenging the news media today and how the press has reacted in turn. Through interviews with key figures in the print and electronic media over the past four decades -- and with unequaled, behind-the-scenes access to some of today's most important news organizations, FRONTLINE traces the recent history of American journalism, from the Nixon administration's attacks on the media to the post-Watergate popularity of the press, to the new challenges presented by the war on terror and other global forces now changing -- and challenging -- the role of the press in our society.

Snowed in

Got about a foot of snow over the weekend. Good weekend to rent a movie and watch the Oscars. (although I made it about an hour and decided to read instead. Melissa Etheridge for best song? Ouch!) We watched Lautlos, a German thriller about a hitman, and Stick It, a teenie-bopper film (very well done and stylistic) about a rebellious gymnast.

And, to quote the famous poet, Forrest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that."

Trilogy

Most of you know that I co-host a monthly documentary group called First Friday Films where we meet and discuss various cross-cultural films. Some of them address issues of faith, most are just glimpses into how the rest of the world thinks and lives. We often conduct phone interviews with the directors, and the group is able to ask questions and interact. Last month we had over a hundred people show up.

It is a good thing, this documentary group. I believe that it is affecting some of the attendees, and that they will be better people because of it. That said, it has always been a dream of mine to host a film group in a more intimate setting, addressing the Big Questions as well as matters of the heart. One idea is to present four films by one of my favorite directors, Nanni Moretti. His films are small stories that are largely autobiographical snapshots of his life and thoughts. I would present these four films, in this order: Caro Diario, Palombella Rossa, Aprile, and The Son's Room. I may go into more detail about this a little later.

There are another three films which I think make an incredible trilogy: Lost in Translation, The Girl in the Cafe and My First Mister. They each share a common thread: Two people (an older man and a younger woman) find friendship in the midst of deep, undefined loneliness. These three films, placed side-by-side, are powerful and possess the ability to turn anger (often at the root of loneliness) into sadness. And it is in sadness that we are finally true.

Perhaps one day...

Rabbi Heschel

"When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."

That's a famous quote from the late Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, one of my spiritual mentors. His book, God in Search of Man, helped me to better understand the difference between knowing and kneeling. Last night I started his work on The Prophets, and already I can't wait to find more time to spend with it. If you haven't read him, I highly recommend his earthy and "lived" perspective on life with God.

"The Greeks learned in order to comprehend. The Hebrews learned in order to revere. The modern man learns in order to use."

"God is not a hypothesis derived from logical assumptions... He is not something to be sought in the darkness with the light of reason. He is the light."

Throw your stone

"Treat your story as if a stone thrown into a still pool, coming to rest at the bottom. Then dive in after it." Mark Helprin, author of one of my favorite novels, A Soldier of the Great War, is credited with telling this piece of advice about writing to an audience member at a reading. In other words, know where you are going, then dive in.

I think it is a good piece of advice for life as well. Unfortunately, the water in the pool is often a bit murky, and so the stone often falls from sight and comes to rest in obscurity. We must have faith that the stone is there, waiting to be found. And dive.

Short stories

I've been sitting with my "novel" the last few nights (there are only five chapters so far, a long way from the twenty-two chapters I had planned). I started it nearly four years ago. It is loosely based on my experiences working with a charismatic organization in Seattle. It is also based on some of my childhood experiences overseas.

Over lunch, I spent an hour in Andre Dubus' world of short stories. (The father, not the son known for The House of Sand and Fog.) I spend at least a few lunch breaks a week at the chain bookstore down the street, wandering the aisles until something calls out to me. Dubus was a Catholic and one of the best American short story writers of the last century. The two stories I read over the bad cup of coffee pulled something within taut - kind of like tuning a guitar until the chord sings its proper note. These are the best kind of stories. Ones that remind us - "retune" us - to see the world as it actually is, not how we hope it to be.

I'll have to sit with my novel a bit more. It needs some tuning.

Two years

Two years ago today I posted my first blog. It still captures much of what I am about.

I love the way Nikos Kazantzakis writes with such passion. In The Fratracides he examines the constant battle to live in the midst of oppression. Greece is wracked by war, and the main character struggles to remain truely alive during the chaos around him.

How do we remain alive - completely alive - in the midst of the mundane? We, too, are at war, a war against losing our thirst for life. The desert often parches our lips, and we long for water. Like Father Yanaros in Kazantzakis' novel, we must struggle never to let go of the desire to be fully alive.

Christ says that if we drink of his water, our thirst will be quenched. Oh, if we could but grasp his cup with both hands and drink deeply.

Email

I blog a little erratically, so if you want to follow the ravings of an aspiring writer, fledgling filmmaker.... I've added a feature that allows you to get emails (in the right hand column) when I post a thought. (These email addresses are kept private, so I am told - no spam).

That's not my dad

James Denton, of Desperate Housewives fame, on the set.

James Denton with Annie and Silvi yesterday afternoon.

Technology

The company I work for tries to incorporate the latest innovative technology into our projects. I can't wait until we move in this direction. These displays use the same technology as the new Apple iPhone.

Premiership

Tomorrow morning at 9:00 is Premiership football (soccer) down at Brit's Pub - Manchester United vs. Charlton. Should be a good game. I don't follow many sports other than soccer and tennis; no one else in my office knew that Federer won the Australian Open a few weeks ago. Monday morning meeting conversations are dominated with talk of the Vikings or the Twins or the Timberwolves. I do enjoy a good Packer's football game now and then, and a Twin's baseball game is only worth watching in person with an over-priced hotdog, but that's about as far as my involvement with mainstream sports goes.

Neville, Ronaldo and Rooney. Saturday morning 9:00. You know where I'll be.

Absolution

I "confessed" my sins at Absolution-Online and here is what is required of me (I can only assume that I received such severe penance because I "confessed" that I am not part of The Catholic Church; either that or it was gluttony.)

May the Almighty God have mercy on you, and forgiving your sins, bring you to life everlasting. Amen.

May the Almighty and Merciful God grant you pardon, absolution, and remission of your sins.

Venial Sins

Recite 283 Hail Marys and 15 Our Fathers.

Mortal Sins

Consider the implications of what you have done. You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong.

You should fast for 9 days. If this is too much to do at once due to the length of the fast, or infirmity, it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections. If you are unsure how long it is safe to fast for, consult a doctor.

If your sin also broke the law of the land in which you live, you must confess to the authorities.

I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the Saints, what good you have done or what evil you have suffered be to you for the remission of your sins, growth in grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.

Surfing the web

There are some good ways to get some unique info on the web. One of them is called Stumble Upon, which allows you join a loose community of like minded websurfers who rate their favorite sites. I've found alot of good information there.

I also have a mirror website over at narrowridge.zaadz.com, where I've started a discussion group; it calls back my days at Antioch University. They are a unique, and fun, crowd at Zaadz.

Of course there's Youtube for a few wasted hours. I also joined Revver, where you can actually make some money with your videos. (I haven't uploaded any yet) And then there's Digg, another community that votes of favorite sites and information.

These days I've been researching Eastern Orthodoxy as well as doing a little work on my Narrow Ridge website. (which I hope to update soon)

Buy stock in diapers...Now!

All the sisters in this picture are currently pregnant!

Winter walk

Last night was one of those crisp winter nights that just called for a walk down to our coffee shop. Silvi and I bundled up and braved the 4 degree night air. I took a few pictures along the way (click on the "Photos" tab for more.) This is one of my favorites.

Brit's on a winter morning

Annie, Silvi and I spent yesterday morning at "church," of sorts: Brit's Pub. We went to watch Manchester United lose to Arsenal in the last minutes of injury time, and to have the best breakfast eggs, hash and sausages in town. There are only a few other places around where you can find a good football match on a snowy Sunday morning, at least a place I feel comfortable taking my daughter.
Brit's is also the pub where - on their second-story outdoor patio - we caught the World Cup final this past summer.
A warm fire, some piping hot English tea, and lots of widescreen televisions. It's my definition of paradise on a cold winter's day.