Our neighborhood

After all the unpacking we've been doing, we took most of last night off and walked down to the water, where a local rock band was doing some decent covers of eighties favorites. Tons of people out, enjoying the night at the Lake Harriet Bandshell, swimming, feeding the ducks or taking advantage of the breeze in their sailboats. We really like our neighborhood; getting kicked out of the last place was definitely a good thing.

The next ex-family car

Our transmission blew on our "new" Passat. Four months. Our third car in 12 months. I loved that car. Sure, it had some quirks. Annie hated it. Maybe it sensed that. But I thought I looked pretty cool driving it, aside from the sweat streaming down my non-air conditioned face. And so we look for the next ex-Tom, Annie and Silvi family car. In the words of Jurassic Park's Ian Malcolm, "I'm always on the lookout for the next ex-Mrs. Malcolm."

Where is...

There's a scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark that captures how it feels trying to find a shaving razor on Monday morning when you've just moved and you're late for work.

Moved in

I'm not sure how many muscles there are in the human body, but I feel every one of them. Thirteen hours, a muggy 90 degree day, moving out of a third-story apartment - I needn't say more. I'm at our new coffee shop around the corner on a beautiful August morning with Annie and Silvi, and we are so happy to be here. The move, though exhausting, went off without any major problems. We had the help of Jon P. (thanks - how are the arms? King size bed anyone?) and a guy I had only met once, Dan G. A friend of the Halls, he came through when my not-so-fit body nearly called it quits for the day. He saved the day, running up and down the three flights of stairs.

So we're home, the cat is exploring every new corner, and we're feel like this is somewhere that we can stay for a long time. At least a year or two.

New apartment

(click map to enlarge)

We filled out an application for a new apartment (here). We find out later this week if we have been accepted. We are moving to a very nice community called Linden Hills, only a few blocks from the water. Although the apartment is a little small and lacks the charm of our old apartment, it's clean, a two-bedroom, and steps from nice shops, cafes, bookstores, and the beach. We haven't started packing yet, and we move on saturday. I want to back a pickup truck up to our third-story window and dump everything into it. Annie is not excited about that idea.

Let chaos reign

We're moving sooner than we expected. We have to find an apartment in the next nine days. I suppose if NASA can launch the space shuttle on schedule, we should be able to find a two bedroom flat quickly. Oh, wait...

We never met

One of the great evils:

"The loneliness of modern man before men whom he associates with but does not meet."

Yesterday one of the staff at my company who has worked here for nearly five years quit. He and my boss got into a heated conversation where the employee lost his cool, packed his stuff and his leather chair and walked out the door, throwing his keys on the table.

I followed him into the parking lot, hoping to dissuade him, but his mind was set.

We all work in separate offices. Most of the time our doors are closed, and it is possible to go all day without talking to another person. I have worked here two years and have not been in everyone's office. We have a staff of nine. I don't know most of my co-worker's last names, nor do they mine.

Five years. I barely knew this 50-year-old man, but I liked him. No one else tried to stop him from leaving. Not the two guys in the offices next to his who had worked beside him for those five years. Not the office manager who had daily contact with him.

They all just let him walk out the door, then resumed their routines.

The tragedy is that most spend their whole lives amongst those they never meet.

Get out

They knocked on our door at nine in the evening with a piece of paper telling us that our building has been sold and we need to find a new home. They are turning our apartment into condominuims, for sale to the highest bidder. And so we are homeless, again. We have some time to look for a new place, but that is not the point. We like our home. Our coffee shop. Our evening walk. Our park. Our worthless video store on the corner. Our chinese take-out restaurant.

The home of our first born.

We'll find a new home but, man, am I tired of moving.

Lightning storm

Last night we witnessed an incredible lightning storm. For nearly an hour, the skies over Minneapolis raged with fire in every direction. Silvi, her eyes open wide, sat on my lap in our darkened apartment and we watched as Thor, god of thunder, sought to set the earth aflame.

Novel and documentary series

One thing about my personality that I wish I could change is the propensity to work in bursts rather than consistently and steadily. I continue to doubt my will to finish my novel. I keep getting sidetracked on other projects I want to work on, like the documentary series I recently outlined called "Along the Narrow Ridge." It is a six part series that examines the philosophy and ethics of Martin Buber, Emmanuel Levinas, Gabriel Marcel and possibly Kierkegaard, although perhaps just briefly. Much has been written about Kierkegaard already, but maybe there is room for my perspective.

Commitment to these projects demands faith. Faith is all too often quenched by debilitating fear.

Quiet summer days

Life is quiet right now. Work has slowed way down. Installing upgrades and learning to use the new programs Motion and Soundtrack Pro. Playing alot with Silvi. Took her over to the park last night until the birds we call mosquitos chased us inside. She is a happy baby, and brings so much light to our home.

This weekend we'll spend time with both families. Maybe go swimming again. Silvi loved the pool when we took her last week. Just a quiet summer week.

Things about me

THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Orange button-up plaid shirt
2. Blue jeans
3. Black Skechers

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. Apple G5 Computer with Final Cut 5.0/After Effects/Motion/Soundtrack Pro etc.
2. Glass of water
3. Lots of BetaSP tapes

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Live in Paris
2. Read The Brother's Karamazov
3. Write a novel
4. Direct a film
5. Create a philosophical documentary series (ok, that's five things)

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Good listener (What?)
2. Able to empathize easily (Get over it.)
3. Laid back (Homer Simpson is my hero)

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Anti-social (Get away from me.)
2. Too Intense (Tell me about your relationship with your mother.)
3. Not laid back enough (Gotta' change the world.)

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. Norwegian (or Swedish, depending on when the borders were moved)
2. Scottish
3. English (Maybe a little French in there too, according to Mom)

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. I was voted most artistic in my senior class
2. I've gone scuba diving at night
3. I've seen Caro Diario more than a dozen times.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Shite! (without the Irish accent)
2. Yes, Fred. (My boss)
3. Hey Anne, how's the wee one?!

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO (that I haven't already been to)
1. Buenos Aires
2. Berlin
3. Rome

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY
1. Uhh, uhh, gaaaa, uhh (Silvi calling me)
2. Babe
3. Tomas, no mas

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
1. Narrow Ridge
2. Blackstable
3. Encounters on the Ridge

FOUR THINGS I WISH I HAD
1. An editing studio and camera gear at home
2. My own private theology and philosophy library
3. A brand new 2005 black VW Passat
4. More babies like Silvi

FOUR SCENTS I LOVE
1. Annie
2. Pizza
3. Silvi after her bath
4. New Car smell (which I rarley experience)

THREE PEOPLE I KNOW BEST
1. Annie
2. Silvi
3. My family (that should keep everyone happy)

FOUR THINGS I'LL NEVER WEAR
1. Speedos (hold the applause, please)
2. Cowboy boots
3. Bicycle shorts
4. A bow tie

FOUR THINGS I'M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW
1. Come on, five o'clock!!
2. Is my car going to make it home?
3. I should be editing, but I'm blogging.
4. What's on the tube tonight?

FOUR THINGS I DID TODAY
1. Came here to work
2. Ate a turkey sandwich on wheat at Einstein Bros. Bagels
3. Went to Borders bookstore
4. Played with Silvi for a few minutes before heading to hated job

FOUR THINGS I RECENTLY BOUGHT
1. Diapers
2. A couple of books
3. A techno CD for Anne
4. Tickets to see Coldplay (Anne actually paid for them)

FOUR PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH
1. Annie
2. Silvi
3. My family
4. My friends (that about covers everyone, eh?)

FOUR MUSICAL GROUPS YOU DON'T KNOW I LIKE
1. Rage Against the Machine (favorite band)
2. Bee Gees
3. Techno and Electronica
4. Patrick Bruel (French pop singer)

The passion of Nietzche

I received a gift certificate to a bookstore for Father's Day and spent a few hours trying to find a good book on the life of Jesus. There was no shortage of books, from Just give me Jesus by Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham's daughter) to This Hebrew Lord by liberal John Shelby Spong. As I wandered past book after book, I got more and more frustrated. Surely there was one book that spoke my language, the language of Miguel de Unamuno and Kazantzakis and Nietzche.

I don't want to read another book about atonement or justification. I don't want to hear about the historical accuracy of the synoptic gospels. I don't want to read more about Jesus the Berkeley feminist or Jesus the champion of the Nicaraguan Sandinistas. I don't want Jesus Freaks, The Jesus I Never Knew, Jesus CEO, or to Experince the Heart of Jesus.

Jesus of the suburbs. The suburbs are killing us.

I have yet to find a book with the same intensity of the gospels. Shusaku Endo's A Life of Jesus comes close.

Depressed and beaten, I reluctantly settled for N.T. Wright's Following Jesus. I respect and admire N.T. Wright and his sermons are alive and full of passion. I also bought a copy of Nietzche's classic, Beyond Good and Evil. A much-needed mirror to keep the suburbs at bay.

Baha'i documentary

I'm editing a documentary about the Baha'i faith today with one of the sons of a Hand of the Cause of God. He (Ramin) flew in from London for this edit session to finish up a two-hour documentary on the history of their disciples. In their faith, Ramin is like one of Matthew, Mark or Luke's sons.

Kontroll

Last night Annie and Silvi went to a wedding shower, so I was left on my own for the first time since Silvi was born. I wandered around a bookstore in Uptown and caught the Hungarian film Kontroll.

The entire film is shot in the subways of Budapest, where the main character rides the trains, ensuring that the passengers have their tickets. It is often a dangerous job and he is yelled at and beaten regularly. We find out that the main character is in fact hiding from life in the dark tunnels, where he has taken to sleeping on the dirty concrete floor. His salvation comes in the form of a young girl dressed in a pink teddy bear suit, who guides him back toward the light of the surface world.

I didn't enjoy the film; it is too dark and depressing. I did appreciate it, though. I read that this first time director had a very limited budget, and he was able to use what he had to craft a powerful story. I hope he continues to make films.

Refuge by Tom

The Seers are gone. The Guardians have vanished. The Shepherds have been devoured by the wolves, and their blood soaks the ground. Those who seek to replace them offer no refuge, no place to rest a weary head. They offer only solutions to problems.

I am not a problem. I am a Mystery. Do not try to give me a Name. Only One knows my true Name.

I wander in search of sanctuary. A refuge. You lay stone upon stone yet cannot build a home.

I wander in seach of home.

Novel

I've finished five chapters of my novel. The themes of my book spring from an experience I had in Seattle a few years ago, working for a charismatic Christian organization. I let the novel sit for a bit, and reread it today over lunch. I was suprised how much I enjoyed it.

I still cannot fathom any kind of market for this book, but I do enjoy the process and my wife likes it. (At least she says she does.) Twenty or so more chapters to go.

A few of the themes are: How do we engage others? How does God respond to prayer? What happens when we begin to open ourselves to those around us? One of the central themes deals with how we often require that which we struggle to give.

And so, between diaper changes and corporate videos, I'm going to try to finish up this autobiographical, self-aware, and painful cliche' of a first novel.

Then I can move on to the second, less autobiographical, less self-aware and not-so-painful cliche' of a second novel.

Shots and dead birds

We took Silvi for her shots last night. Four of them. I don't think I'll ever forget the look in Silvi's eyes when the two nurses simultaneously pierced her fragile, beautiful skin. Annie and I each held a hand. Her fingers are so small. She was nervous about being held down. As the needles reached their mark, her look of suprise seemed tinged with betrayal. Then sorrow. I, a helpless father, had to betray my daughter. This is where the seeds of distrust are born.

On the drive home, Silvi asleep from exhaustion, I hit a bird and killed it. Two birds, flying together, tried to make it in front of the car. A moment of hesitation by one bird, and then the other was alone.

Some days are just sad, you know?

Dams of Heaven by Tom

When the dams of heaven burst, will you still venture into the night, into the torrent, to follow that small voice calling from the edge of the storm?

As the waters rise, push on. Follow the sound of His voice. He won't stop calling your name.

Back in the game

I played soccer during my teens in southern Florida. Those afternoon practices were so hot that I prayed to be benched during scrimmages. Inevitably, the coach would signal for me to get back in the game, and I would peel myself off the hot aluminum bench to stammer back out onto the field.

That's kind of what it's like to go back to work after a vacation.

Vacation

We had a great time away. Our first vacation with Silvi. We picked a fantastic hotel overlooking Lake Superior, with views of beautiful sunrises over the water each morning. The first day was so foggy that we literally could not see more than a few feet in front of the car. We drove around the bluffs, exploring what we could. The next day was gorgeous, sunny and warm. We kicked back on a boat ride along the coast, where we were dwarfed by the huge ocean freighters from all over the world. Silvi slept on my lap, the wind blowing her hair that is always sticking straight up. She wasn't too impressed with her first boat ride.

We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting down by the water and wandering through bookstores and eating ice cream. We capped the day off at an Omni Theater showing of the Mysteries of the Nile, where Silvi sat and watched wide-eyed. Sometimes, when I swing Silvi a little too high, she throws her hands out to stabilize herself. She did that a few times during some of the helicopter shots. I'm just glad she didn't get sick.

It was one of the best times we've had in a while. We weren't sure in the beginning when the lightning struck the transformer down the street, knocking out our cable tv for an afternoon. But as Trading Spaces suddenly lit our screen, we knew all was well in the world.

North Shore

We decided to drive up to the North Shore along Lake Superior and play at a water park (if it will stop raining). We've booked a room with a balcony overlooking the small beach, and are just going to swim in the pool and eat and watch some cable tv and eat some more.

See you in a few...

I am Free by Tom

Free
by Tom

I am bound. Yet I am free.

I am a lowly slave. Yet I am free.

I am a drowning debtor. Yet I am free.

I am weak and I am powerless. Yet I am free.

I am a small link in a very heavy chain. Yet I am free.

Come, you enslaver, you idolater, you chain-maker, you greed monger.

Packin' it in

It's 10pm and I'm waiting for a graphic to render. Then I'm heading home. Thirteen hours in front of a computer is enough for one day. Two more long days then a four-day weekend. Trying to figure out where to go with Anne and Silvi. Corn fields to the west, wheat fields to the east, Iowa to the south and wilderness to the north. Chicago just out of reach for a two-month-old.

Ideas?

Cain and Abel by Tom

What furious hunger compels us to try to find a synthesis between two irreducible opposites! We are consumed with winning both this earthly life and the Kingdom of the horizon. Flesh and bone and spirit in bloody battle.

Cain fighting with Abel.

This earthly life of pigs and dust and weeping mothers cannot be reconciled with the world of angels and devils and gods born of virgins.

Rest. One is coming who will shatter the divide between earth and heaven. And Cain will feast with Abel.