Surfing Lake Superior

These guys are hardcore. Below zero wind temp and the water is around 33 degrees. A little north of Duluth, Minnesota this past winter.

Head knowledge vs. lived knowledge

"My observation is that knowledge is only useful insofar as it reshapes how we live. I love learning and love knowledge, but honestly, if it doesn’t reshape life then it isn’t worth a pinch of poop."

Andrew Hamilton
Backyard Missionary (on hiatus)

Seeing through the eye

This Life's dim windows of the soul
Distorts the Heavens from Pole to Pole,
And leads you to believe a lie,
When you see with, not through, the eye.

Fishing Opener

So this is the weekend in Minnesota where over a million people head to their favorite lake for the 2007 Fishing Opener. Scores of fish will be caught. And I can't land one simple video!

Can't land it

I'm not much of a fisherman, but I like the analogy of landing the big one. The last few weeks I've been editing a video for a large meeting with all the powers-that-be. But this program refuses to land. I've spent days trying to get the opening just right, and think I finally got it this morning after about a dozen revisions. That means I have 11 more minutes to finish, which doesn't sound like much, but it is. One of the most frustrating projects I've struggled with lately.

The key seems to be just to put something down and keep at it. Kind of like writing. It's the rewriting that makes it good.

Small moves, Ellie

In the film, Contact, there is a scene where Ellie, Jodi Foster's character, is a child and her father is teaching her how to dial in a Ham Radio signal. He tells her, "Small moves, Ellie. Small moves." as she slowly twists the knob. It's advice I need to take to heart as I "search for signals" that might point in one direction or another.

Right now I'm just getting static.

Worst of 'thymes'

Well, I didn't get the position. And so, dentists and irrigation contractors - "Relax!" Your training and marketing needs will continue to remain in capable hands. I'll take a few days to catch my breath and decide what to do next.

Memorial bench

Today marks a year-and-a-half since my sister's daughter, Hannah, died in her sleep. A few friends of hers placed a bench in a park in memorial. Here's a picture of the occasion.

One month

Yesterday marks one month since sending in my demo reel and resume. That's a lot of nights lying awake, dreaming of a possible future. That's a lot of days living with an all-too-real present.

Another weekend of waiting. It's hard to let it go and enjoy what is supposed to be the first true days of summer.

One of three

So I finally got a hold of the person in the position to hire me. He was in New York, filming a documentary. I guess that they have narrowed it down to three, of which I am one. I should know later this week...

It gave me time to finish updating my website.

Patience is not my favorite virtue

Still no word from the one organization who promised to get back to me last week. I'm trying not to read into it. I called a few times but no return calls. I cope with the anxiety a few different ways. I try to control other areas of my life, like my narrowridge.com website. I've been updating it as I wait. I'm trying to work on things that I will continue to do regardless of the outcome of other's decisions.

I also practice apathy. "Who cares if they offer me a position?" Of course, I do, but I won't tell myself that. Or watch a lot of tv, helping the hours pass. I write a little. Clean. Try not to check my email or voicemail too often.

Ultimately, it's not really up to me or those in the position to offer me a job. We make our plans, but... (see my previous post.)

Whose plans?

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

In the fog

Silvi and I on a foggy morning. I thought this picture captures where I'm at today. I may not always be able to clearly see where I'm going, but I am not alone.

Tick, tock

It's been a looong week of waiting. I've been waking up around 5:30 and watching Spanish Univision to pass the time. Also updating the First Friday Films blog and adding a new video on my Videos page that I just finished at work.

Tick...tock...I'm supposed to find out tomorrow if one opportunity will open up. So close and yet...

Iraq

Tonight we are showing My Country, My Country at the First Friday Films gathering. It's getting more difficult to show films at the church as we are gaining more visibility and are eliciting a few strong reactions. This month's selection is upsetting a few people because of the non-Christian perspective on the war in Iraq. One person who has attended the church for 13 years wrote a strong letter asking that only Christian films be shown in "his" church. Last month a few people got upset about the humanitarian slant in the particular film. Another small group of people want us to use more Scripture. The month before that we got a long letter denouncing the "pro-Palestinian" view of the film Gaza Strip.

We've been doing this for over a year and we've gotten one positive email. Oh well. That's how it goes when you try to do anything, I suppose. Lots of naysayers.

But people keep coming.

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs

Nearly a month ago, I filled out a preliminary application with a mission organization that works in Spain. I also linked to the local ministry in Malaga when I blogged about it. The weeks went by and I never heard anything. I emailed them as well, and no response. As I was already predisposed to see signs in every breath of wind, I took it as a "closed door." (I really am tired of that cliche. Any suggestions on a more suitable metaphor?)

It was during this time of "stepping out" (another cliche) that I came upon another opportunity that seemed like a good fit. I won't tell you what it is until it is resolved, as I still have a week more to wait.

Apparently, when I linked to the Malaga Media Center, someone there followed the link and notified the home office here in the States, who have just contacted me asking for another application.

Did I mention that I am looking for signs?

Waiting

And so we wait...

U-Turn

So here's how it goes... You just have to start moving, then things begin to happen. Spain has to take a back seat for now as another opportunity appears on the horizon. I should know this time next week or so what the next chapter looks like. This "in-between-ness" is for the birds. Until then...

For Hannah, and her Mother who misses her

I made this video for my sister who is trying not to disappear. I made this video for Hannah who touched us all in her short life.

Signs

One of the oddities about making a life decision is that you suddenly find yourself looking for signs everywhere.

Someone at work misspelled "Spanish Translation" to read "Spainish Translation." Ah, ha! It's a sign. I'm on the right road. God is with me. Everything will fall into place.

Now, should I have turned left or a right back there?

Spain

So here I am, a new chapter before me.

I decided over the weekend that I want to give myself to Spain. What does this mean, "Give myself to Spain?" I guess it means that I want to devote my video and writing talents to helping people in Spain see Christ within their contemporary culture.

I had an idea about six months ago. I got really excited about it, then my enthusiasm waned a bit, as it often does. But it goes something like this. Years ago my dad gave me a copy of the Mars Hill Review. I immediately connected with its mission statement: "...to reveal Christ in the various texts of our contemporary culture." Mars Hill Graduate School makes this a priority as well. I think it is useful to quote them at length:

Text

Our vision is to train men and women to see Scripture through a perspective that keeps the primacy of story and mystery alive as it authoritatively forms the fundamental parameters of our life and worldview. We believe interpretation or hermeneutics is neither primarily a science, nor a skill, but a living art that molds us into maturity by the Word itself, the convicting work of the Spirit, and in dialogue with the community of faith both past and present.

Soul

Our vision is to train men and women to live lives worthy of the gospel. We believe this is possible through an ongoing process of humility that reveals our bias, transforms our heart, and enlivens our passion for the Author of Life. The outcome will be a transformation that involves a shift in perspective (faith), purpose (hope), and passion (love) evidenced in how one relates to enemies and friends, body and mind, and the world in which we are situated.

Culture

Our vision is to train men and women to engage culture. Every culture attempts to flee God and yet find life in its own gods. Every culture reflects both the glory of creation and the depravity of the fall. We believe a person or community can never receive a hearing, nor offer the gospel, unless it incarnates the gospel through joyful participation in a culture's glory and honest engagement in its darkness. We wish to develop lovers of language, story, drama, film, music, dance, architecture, and art in order to deepen our love of life and the God of all creativity. The result will be a greater desire to know the human heart, the word of God, and the coming and already present Kingdom of God.

I can't think of a better way of putting it.

So, my idea? It was to become sort of a Spanish YouTube missionary, for lack of a better definition. I planned to download as much of Spain's popular culture as possible and begin to try to understand where God was within the expressions of their art and music and films. I even got started on a website. But it's easy to get discouraged when going it alone. I did a lot of research, made lists, watched a lot of media, etc. I guess I needed a little more structure.

I'm not sure where all this will lead. I just know that I've got to go where I believe I'm being taken. This morning I filled out a preliminary application with Avant Ministries, who head the Malaga Media Center.

All right. It's out there. A left turn down another road. I hope you stick around for the ride. If you think about it, ask God to make clear which turns are best in the journey ahead.

Too many projects, too little time

Translation

Will someone please translate these books? Thank you.

Control and Trust

It really does come down to those two things, doesn't it?

That which we cannot control we must entrust to others.

If we do not trust and we do not control, we cease to exist, don't we?

At least we cease to "truely live."

Can you give up some of the control?

Who can you trust?

Journey

The blogs that I like to follow are ones where the authors are on some kind of journey. Either they are moving to another country or working on a project or trying to start something. I won't bore you with the links to the sites I frequent; also, I like to think that I am the only one in on their struggles and adventures.

What kind of journey are you on? Or am I on? I am on a journey toward being a father of not one, but two beautiful and amazing children. I am on a journey into middle age, and ask my wife, it's not a pretty sight. I'm on a journey to discovering, or re-discovering, some of the reasons that I - Tom - am here at this particular time and this particular place in the grand scheme of things. I am on a journey to knowing God better than I did yesterday, or in my twenties or in my teens. I am on the way to becoming a better video producer, a better writer, a better husband, son, brother, in-law, cousin and friend. At least I hope so.

It's so easy to opt for the comfortable, the reliable, the usual. But I don't want - have never wanted, nor accepted - the "average," or the safe. I am on that journey. I am not starting one. I have been on this journey for more than twenty years. I may feel like I am stuck at the train station for much too long this time, but that locomotive will round the corner once again and I will feel the wind on my cheeks on the journey into the unknown.

Just one thing, though. The journey is always deliberate. It is never passive. It may appear that the hero is thrust out into an unwanted adventure, but secretly, in the mists of memory, the hero wanted to be called out of the "ordinary" into the dangerous life of the real. The True.

It's that "fully alive" thing that gets batted about in books and on talk shows. The problem is, most times, you can't be "fully alive" if you try to be "fully alive." I talked about being predisposed to being interrupted before. I think that I must be deliberate in being predisposed to being what Gabriel Marcel called available. Available to God, to my wife, children, boss, friends, etc.

I am on a journey to becoming more deliberately available.