Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Absolution

I "confessed" my sins at Absolution-Online and here is what is required of me (I can only assume that I received such severe penance because I "confessed" that I am not part of The Catholic Church; either that or it was gluttony.)

May the Almighty God have mercy on you, and forgiving your sins, bring you to life everlasting. Amen.

May the Almighty and Merciful God grant you pardon, absolution, and remission of your sins.

Venial Sins

Recite 283 Hail Marys and 15 Our Fathers.

Mortal Sins

Consider the implications of what you have done. You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong.

You should fast for 9 days. If this is too much to do at once due to the length of the fast, or infirmity, it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections. If you are unsure how long it is safe to fast for, consult a doctor.

If your sin also broke the law of the land in which you live, you must confess to the authorities.

I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the Saints, what good you have done or what evil you have suffered be to you for the remission of your sins, growth in grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.

6 comments:

drouillards said...

Hey Tommy, let me know if these are working. I assume from the quotes this was not a serious thing. It's funny and very sad at the same time. Joe's family is Catholic - I wonder what they would think. That's how he ended up in Grand Rapids - he went to Aquinas College, the local Cath. college.

Are you all in England right now?

Elsie

Tom said...

Hi Elsie!
Thanks for popping in. I assume your asking about England because of the pub post; that's here in Minneapolis.

About the Absolution post, I was just curious to see what I would experience were I ever to enter a confessional. It was very interesting...

drouillards said...

You kept talking about pubs and football, so I thought you were on a film job in Britian - good to know they have those things in Minnesota, too! Now that I know you like football, I will tell you that the World Cup Ghana/USA game was AWESOME for me, being that Ghana was where I lived for a year after college. I kept imagining all my friends there going nuts!!

Tom said...

I had heard about your time in Ghana from my mom; that's where my wife grew up.

Anonymous said...

This was mine:

Venial Sins
Recite 2508 Hail Marys and 80 Our Fathers.

Mortal Sins
Consider the implications of what you have done. You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong.

You should fast for a total of 4 weeks. If this is too much to do at once due to the length of the fast, or infirmity, it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections. If you are unsure how long it is safe to fast for, consult a doctor.

If your sin also broke the law of the land in which you live, you must confess to the authorities.

I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the Saints, what good you have done or what evil you have suffered be to you for the remission of your sins, growth in grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.

(P.S. I think I'll post this as anonymous.)

Tom said...

Wow, "anonymous", you had better get to confessional right away!