Monday, October 22, 2007

Lessons in lort*

So I'm trying to develop more resolve when confronted by one of Silvi's terrible-two tantrums.

I'm such a pushover when it comes to discipline and my daughter. She's cast a spell on me... her beauty gives me a glimpse of eternity, to quote Camus. “Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.”

But no longer will I be a pawn in my daughter's game of push-the-boundaries. No, I will be a strong father, a benevolent dictator.

Yesterday, I did not cave to her refusal to sit in her chair for lunch. She wanted to kneel on my chair, but I would not budge. In that moment, I was Gandalf, "You shall not pass!"

The first time-out. No affect. The volume of her screams increase. I try again to place Silvi in her seat, but she will not sit.

Time-out number two. The tantrum escalates, but I remain steadfast. I will win this battle. Napoleon went down at Waterloo, and so help me, this is Waterloo for the 27-pound emperor standing in front of me.

Ten minutes have passed, and her chicken noodle soup is getting cold. I am sweating and she faces me, feet planted firmly, the pacifier sucking in and out of her lips with determination.

And then it hits me. The smell, that is.

Sure enough, she doesn't want to sit in her chair, or any chair for that matter, because she has the worst diaper rash ever, and the load she is carrying down-under only causes her more pain.

My experiment is a resounding failure. I feel more like an abusive father than a strong and knowing sage.

She gets chocolate for dessert, and an extra helping of bread.

*'Lort' is the word for dung, crap, excrement, etc. in the Danish language.

10 comments:

God is Great Beauty Salon said...

Laughed loud when I read this. Guess it's not easy being a parent :)

Thanks for your congratulations, in your comment on my blog. I guess I will also soon be aware of the difficulties in being a parent :)

And I have to ask, how come your wife lived in Accra for 15 years? Love that place, hope to be moving back there some day.

Take care!

God is Great Beauty Salon said...

My husband, who grew up in Accra, would like to know if your wife's maiden name is Hall?

jon p. said...

consider our bullet-proof, water-tight solution to ALL of your child rearing problems:

Figure out how to get Silvi's poop to stink to the breadth and depth and pervasiveness that Caleb's does, and you will never have this mix-up again.

Granted, you will be replacing one problem with another...

Laurie said...

Gotta love those shining parenthood moments that put you in your place.

Tom said...

GIGBS: Yes, my wife's maiden name is Hall... how on earth!? Did your husband go to GIS?

Jon P.: Ha... let me see, screams or smells? Think I'll choose screams; I can always put on my mp3 player...

Laurie: I was on track to be the perfect parent, too.

God is Great Beauty Salon said...

It's a small world :) My husbands name is Eugene "Pebbles" Akiwumi and he also went to GIS. He remember your wife and her sister very well.

SunflowerMom said...

LOL! Silvi, score 1; Dad, score ZIP. yep, there's a good reason for every form of resistance, isn't there?

Kim Ayres said...

:)

Carole said...

Very funny. And very truthful. I have found that most of the time my kids were being obnoxious and contentious, they were just carrying around a load of lort!

Tom said...

Sunflower mom: Next time I'll stop and sniff first, then the battle will resume... :)

Kim: :>

Carole: I thought I was the only one full of lort; at least that's what I've been told... :)