Goodbyes

It's snowing outside and the wind is whipping it up against the buildings, making my walk to the coffee shop treacherous. It's bitter and icy and it may take an additional cup of mint tea to warm me this morning.

It's time to say farewell to another year. I think it's important to set aside a little time to reflect on the events that shaped the past twelve months; they are unique and never to be repeated. Some of these happenings were filled with much joy - summer walks down by the lake, a visit from my sister and niece, weekends with my mom and dad, gatherings with the in-laws, a family vacation to Colorado, little day trips along the winding St. Croix River, skateboarding with Silvi and her metamorphosis into a vibrant young lady, fourteen years with my wife, the birth of my son, and of my nephew.

If you've spent any time with me here, you know the hardships. Hearing that my son has Down syndrome has been one of most jarring crossroads of my life, and I still feel somewhat stuck in the center of the intersection, gazing down roads that lead to places unmarked on my current map.

As these final days of 2007 disappear into history books, video clips, photo albums and faltering memories, I say goodbye to a life that once was to make room for a new path, unknown and more than a little scary. I am learning - slowly - to welcome this new life and the son whose smile wipes away all that may be lost.

It is not, and will not be easy. Annie and I argue more often, our evenings tinged by attempts to escape the ever-present responsibilities through reading or movies, or spent planning doctor's visits, coping with the growing financial burdens, and learning to help our son find his way in a world that does not really want him.

Christmas is over. To be perfectly honest, I am glad. It's hard to put on a Christmas smile when what you really want to do is escape into the darkness of a movie theater and drown your sorrows in a trough of over-buttered popcorn. There were a few moments of true joy sprinkled throughout the last few weeks: watching Silvi's face as the lights of the Holidazzle parade danced in her eyes, hearing her proclaim, "What a wonderful day!" after seeing the falling snow, Ian in his best outfit on Christmas morning, watching Scrooge (the only proper version, in my opinion) with my parents, laughing at Elf with my in-laws.

But I'm ready for the fresh start of a new year. I have many hopes for this next year; but most of all, I look forward to twelve new months with my beautiful wife and captivating daughter and son.