Thursday, January 10, 2008


It's a couple hours later and I'm having writer's remorse about my previous post. Must... keep... thoughts... away... from... the... computer.


beans said...

I disagree-why should you keep your thoughts away . . I think you are better off letting them out them letting them implode on you . . .that makes for much darker times, my new friend.

It is what it is. You are human and you, too, will get through-even if it means you blog about how crappy things are. You are not here to entertain us in that way. If I wanted happy happy, joy joy I would go somewhere else. You appeal to me cause you are real.

I will share a story to maybe cheer you for a second. I worked at a residential facility for folks with disabilities, and one of my favorites is a little guy with DS. He and I went to the valentines dance every year and he is just indescribably cute and fun. Anyways, I haven't seen him for a few years since I left-mostly because I don't like the facility anymore, but also cause it is too hard for me to leave him there. Today I was there for a meeting of another sort, and I saw him and he came up to me and put his arms up, said my name, and gave me the biggest hug. It was 100% what I needed today.

It made my day.

Leah said...

I agree with beans. Keep writing. Not only is it a healthy outlet, but 2 years from now you're going to be able to look back, and read about where you were, and see just how far you've come.

Terri said...

I get the writer's remorse. Truly. Sometimes it's just a weird little universe out here in blogworld. But I'm not thinking awful pathetic things about you. I'm thinking how you're just like me in a lot of ways.

And I guess I can't string a bunch of words together like-this because they will wander off where no one can see them. (see my comment on your last post.) too bad. it was terribly witty and insightful. I promise.

bella said...

I've been there.
It sucks. the doubt and nagging voices, the general ickiness.
On another different but related note, I quite enjoyed your last post. I appreciate the point you make, about how depression is used quite casually in our language of things.
True depression is not a bad day or a bad series of days. It is not a bad mood. It can be consuming, debilitating even. For me, it is anxiety that cripples and must be lived with and sometimes healed and sometimes just present no matter what so I adjust. and no, it is not the same thing as being a worry wart.
You know how I feel about your truth telling. But I'll tell you again. I love it.

Tom said...

Beans: (By the way, I like writing "beans" when I address you :) ) Thanks for sharing the story; amazing how a spontaneous act of love can say so much more than a library full of books, isn't it? (Referring to your friends hug)

I'm trying to keep it real... but I get tired of "real" myself sometimes. Maybe I should start blogging about Paris Hilton or the reunion of the Spice Girls?

Leah: Appreciate it... and hopefully in two years I'll have solved all my problems, will be in perfect shape, will have written a book, made a film, solved world hunger... maybe not. :)

Terri: I get email notifications every time someone posts a comment, so I got to read your witty string-along sentence. :) Worth the price of admission.

Writers-remorse, buyers-remorse, eating to much remorse, man, is there anything we can do without remorse anymore?!

Isabel: You said in one sentence what all my rambling was trying to convey, the fact that "True depression is not a bad day..." I'm so thankful for you gift with words. I really am. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Elbog said...

Tom -
I understand. I have a '94 Jimmy sitting in my driveway, having moved it there from the street after a neighbor complained after it'd been sitting there for over a year. Your description of the tire/wheel/lock saga mirrors what I need to do with my truck. I'm almost ready to deal with it, I really am.
I appreciate you, what I've met so far, so very much. Your honesty and perspective help me.

Leah said...

What I meant by "how for you've come" in 2 years was in relation to how you are doing with Ian's having DS. Depression doesn't just go away...I ways I wish I didn't need to know...and I wasn't trying to belittle the fact that its an issue for you. What I was trying to say is, if you're still having that problem 2 years from now, you'll have grown in other ways and be able to look back and see your own growth.

Tom said...

Elbog: I've got a couple of spare cans of Fix-a-Flat it you need help with your '94 Jimmy. Appreciate it.

Leah: I didn't feel belittled in the least.. I should hope that I grow in the next two years. :) Sometimes my sense of humor - and "tone"- is lost in translation. I knew exactly what you were getting at. Big thanks! :)

eclexia said...

Wellllll, you might feel better and safer if you blogged about Paris Hilton and the Spice Girls. But, I for one, sure wouldn't be stopping by! (Not that I think my visits to anyone's blogs makes or breaks the bank, so to speak... :) )
I do understand getting tired of real, though! It can be so dreadfully wearisome some days, can't it?

Kim Ayres said...

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.

And you think that ain't depressing???

Tom said...

eclexia: Aww, man, now I've got to throw away all that research I did on Britney Spear's childhood. I like the advice given in What About Bob?; take a vacation - from your problems. :)

Kim: Sorry, did you say something? I was tapping along to the music.

God is Great Beauty Salon said...

About this and your last post: You're right about the word depression being used constantly these days. Maybe misused a lot, but as it's also a big part of many peoples lives, I'm glad you're writing about it. It helps other people understand.

A friend of mine, who has a great blog (unfortunately she doesn't update it as often as I wish she would) also writes quite a lot about depression. Check it out:

Tom said...

GIGBS: Hard to write about it and not turn it into a pity party, you know? I feel that way too often.

Thanks for the words. Appreciate the link and will check it out.